Fred Allen Quotes
-
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
→ -
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
→ -
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
→ -
He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.
→ -
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
→ -
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
→ -
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
→ -
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
→ -
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
→ -
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
→ -
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
→ -
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
→ -
Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
→ -
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
→ -
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
→ -
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
→ -
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
→ -
My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.
→ -
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
→ -
All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.
→ -
After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.
→ -
Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
→ -
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
→ -
I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.
→ -
When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
→ -
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
→ -
Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
→ -
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
→ -
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
→ -
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
→
Related Authors
-
Arlene Francis Actress -
Jimmy Durante Singer -
Edgar Bergen Actor -
Mel Blanc Voice Actor -
Steve Allen Television Personality -
Bennett Cerf Publisher -
Jack Paar Author -
Milton Berle Comedian -
Groucho Marx Comedian -
Dorothy Kilgallen Journalist -
Red Skelton Entertainer -
Walter Lantz Cartoonist -
Eddie Cantor Comedian -
Carole Lombard Actress -
Gracie Allen Comedienne -
George Burns Comedian -
Jack Benny Comedian -
Johnny Carson Host -
Bob Hope Comedian -
Oscar Levant Pianist