Mort Sahl Quotes
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New book on Malcolm X says we don't know how he was killed. Want to bring in the FBI. Maybe they were in already.
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My life needs editing.
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Obama is running again for spite.
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Women want their men to be cops. They want you to punish them and tell them what the limits are. The only thing that women hate worse from a man than being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.
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Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.
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Everything I tell you is true, but this is factual.
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Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole.
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You know what I want you to do? I want you to blow out the candle and curse the darkness.
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I'm not a liberal, I'm a radical!
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I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.
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I used to go out with actresses and other female impersonators.
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There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.
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When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!
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Remember when movies were just good or bad, before auteurs, film festivals, and guys from USC who were the first to shoot underwater?
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If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.
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People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.
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I made the mistake early in my career, when I moved to Hollywood, of being attracted to actresses. I used to go out exclusively with actresses and other female impersonators.
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I took benzedrine - I got clairvoyance. With benzedrine you can have a very wide view of the world, like you can decide the destiny of man and other pressing problems, such as which is the left sock?
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I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.
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I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.
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One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.
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Now that Obama is at war in a 3rd country, does that mean he has to give back his Nobel Peace Prize?
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If you can't join them, beat them.
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Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.
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There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.
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We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.
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If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you'll eventually be accused of treason.
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Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.
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If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.
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We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.
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