Old Jokes Quotes
The best sayings about Old Jokes that you can share on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook and other social networks!
-
It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh.
→ -
And the look on her face as she opened the door Was like an old joke told by a friend. It'd taken ten more years but she'd found her smile And I watched the corners start to bend.
→ -
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
→ -
My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and know exactly what was going on in my life.
→ -
There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars."
→ -
Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.
→ -
An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is on the survival of the class system in the United States.' 'Oh really, that's interesting: one didn't think there was a class system in the United States.' 'Nobody does. That's how it survives.
→ -
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
→ -
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
→ -
There is an old joke that went around- it goes, in the beginning God made man in His own image, and since the fall, man has been seeking to return the compliment.
→ -
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.
→ -
You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
→ -
People who don't like cats haven't been around them. There's the old joke: dogs have masters, cats have staff.
→ -
Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh?
→ -
If you do a joke that's really old, then what happens is people on Reddit and Twitter just go, 'Real original, you're just doing old jokes!' But bands do it all the time.
→ -
according to the old joke, married people are often like little boys bathing, who cry with chattering teeth to the boys on the shore, 'Do come in, it's so warm' - it is not always warm.
→ -
There's an old joke that you know you're in heaven if the cooks are Italian and the engineering is German. If it's the other way around you're in hell.
→ -
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
→ -
There is an old joke about socialism as the synthesis of the highest achievements of the whole human history to date: from prehistoric societies it took primitivism; from the Ancient world it took slavery; from medieval society brutal domination; from capitalism exploitation; and from socialism the name.
→ -
You know that old joke about potheads having bad memories? Well, the bad memories are like pain, discomfort, and fear. So you lose all that, and the body reacts by healing faster and stronger.
→ -
Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went. No, why? You moved. Just don't move.
→ -
Death's an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew.
→ -
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
→ -
I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know the comfort that comes of eating it hot, along with some sugar and a drench of cream... I know how the nuts taken in conjunction with winter apples, cider, and doughnuts, make old people's tales and old jokes sound fresh and crisp and enchanting.
→ -
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
→ -
Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!
→ -
Being a military child, we moved a lot and we developed different vernaculars from moving from the south, to the Midwest, and seeing the world. Going from New York to California and from Jamaica Queens to the South, I was always the new kid, or had the army crew haircut. I expected people to pick up on me. My brother kinda stole all of my old jokes. He got his inspiration from me.
→ -
This is not really currency that circulates. It's like the old joke about expensive vintage wine. Wine prices will go up and once in a while somebody will buy a 50-year-old bottle of wine and say, "Wait a minute. This has gone bad." The answer is, "Well, that wine isn't for drinking; that's for trading." These $100 bills aren't meant to circulate. They're not to spend on goods and services. They're a store of value. They're a form of saving.
→ -
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
→ -
You know that old joke about the guy who lives to be 104? The punch line goes something like 'If I knew I was gonna get this old, I'd have taken much better care of myself.' Well, guess what? We actually are living longer, and the time to start taking care of ourselves is right this minute.
→
Top Authors
-
-
Alan Cinis Actor -
Alan Dale Actor -
Alan Arnett McLeod Armed force officer -
Alec Monopoly Artist
-
Alice Riley Author
-
Alberto Villoldo Author -
Alex Scarrow Author -
Alfred H. Barr, Jr. Author -
Alice Kuipers Author -
Alfred Ford Businessman -
Alan Freed Disc jockey -
Alice Temperley Fashion designer -
Alfredo Di Stefano Footballer -
Alan Autry Former Mayor of Fresno -
Alain Vigneault Ice hockey coach -
Alan Light Journalist -
Alfred Capus Journalist -
Alfred Hermann Fried Journalist -
Alexei Navalny Lawyer -
Al Jourgensen Musician -
Alasdair MacIntyre Philosopher -
Alain Aspect Physicist -
Albert Szent-Gyorgyi Physiologist -
Al Berto Poet -
Alberto Fujimori Politician -
Alfred Delp Priest -
Alberto Salazar Runner -
Alannah Myles Singer-songwriter -
Alice Duer Miller Writer
Share our collection of quotes on social networks – this will allow as many people as possible to find inspiring quotes about Old Jokes!